Bible Quotes Gone Wrong

Friend: I'm sure you're busy with your new religious conversion, but I've called you six times this week!  Convert: "What fellowship does light have with darkness?" [2 Corinthians 6:14]

Dear Convert:
Conversion to Christianity doesn't make you superior. So let's not get high and mighty with our former strip-club buddies. ("Former" as in last week.) And your half-baked newbie theology makes Jesus look like an a**hole. Not good for you on Judgment Day. TIP: In the scripture you jacked up, the words "light" and "darkness" do not refer to people.

Loan Officer: Our bank respects your need for a larger building, Reverend. Unfortunately, your church has neither sufficient collateral, nor enough donation income to cover a loan of this size. Reverend: Doesn't matter. "The wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just." [Proverbs 13:22]

Dear Reverend:
Calling a banker a "sinner" to her face makes you a jerk, not "just." And since another biblical writer said that everyone has sinned, which one of you is "the just" in this equation? Given your diamonds, German car(s), and unemployment, a loan for your church's building fund is more likely to "build" your portfolio.

Speaking of embezzlement, Jesus said it's hard for rich people to get into heaven. Why then are you trying to pimp God like a cosmic ATM, only to land yourself outside the pearly gates? TIP: When the verse that you just scrambled was written, Jesus wasn't born yet. There was no such thing as Christianity or salvation. Therefore, "just" ≠ "saved." My point? Being a Christian doesn't make you "just" by default. Consequently, it's not a license to empty the Federal Reserve.